A Clever Villager

Some villagers were going to celebrate an important wine festival in a few days' time, so they borrowed a huge barrel from the nearest town, put it in the village square and determined that each of them should empty a bottle of the best wine he had into it, so that there should be plenty at the feast.

One of the villagers thought he would be very clever. 'If I pour a bottle of water in, instead of wine, no one will notice it,' he said to himself, 'because there will be so much excellent wine in the barrel that the water will be lost in it.'

The night of the feast arrived. Everybody gathered in the village square with jugs and their glasses for the wine. The tap on the barrel was opened - but what came out was pure water. Everyone in the village had had the same idea.

Some Humorous Stories I

A Lion Tamer

A novice lion tamer was being interviewed." I understand your father was also a lion tamer," The reporter queried.

"Yes, he was," the man replied.

"Do you actually put your head in the lion's mouth?"

"I did it only once," said the new tamer, "to look for Dad."

Reservation

At the Lake Hotel where I worked downtown Chicago, the official maxim was " Give the customers what they want." Our ability to meet that goal was tested one day when a large tour group overwhelmed the registration area.

One impatient man bullied his way through the crowd, banged his fist on the front desk and demanded,"I want a room that faces the ocean!"

In a voice that all could hear, the young clerk answered, "Certainly, sir. Atlantic or Pacific?"

Their Card

My husband and I maintain both joint and separate credit card accounts. As I fumbled in my purse one day looking for the right card to pay for some purchases, I explained to the salesclerk that I had "my" card, "his" card and "our" card.

"That's okay," he replied, "As long as you don't have "their" card."

Right Row

"I beg your pardon," said the man returning to his seat in the theater, "but did I step on your toes when I left?"

"You certainly did!", answered the annoyed patron.

The man turned to his companion."Honey, come on," he said, "we're in the right row!"

The Motorcycle Rider

Jay was born to ride. Just after learning to walk, he got his first tricycle. A year later he was on a bicycle with training wheels. At the age of five he was a skilled bicyclist, able to jump off ramps and fly through the air. His father made sure he did everything safely. Jay wore a helmet, a chest pad, elbow pads, and knee pads. He fell a lot, but he was never hurt badly.
He got his first motorcycle when he was seven. His father put the motorcycle in the back of his pickup and drove Jay out to the desert almost every weekend. Jay became a skilled rider. He entered motocross races all over the county. By the time he was 15, he had won 30 races. His future looked bright.
When he was 17, Jay took his girlfriend out for a ride on his motorcycle. A truck ran a red light, and Jay and his girlfriend crashed into the side of the truck. Jay went into the hospital for three months. His girlfriend died immediately.
Jay didn’t ride a motorcycle again for 10 years. Then one weekend he bought a used Kawasaki. He took it out for a test run at dusk. It felt good to ride again. He got it up to 110 miles an hour on the local freeways. A highway patrol car chased him for about ten minutes, but he finally lost it in the freeway traffic and the dark. When he got home, he was excited. That was fun, he thought.

Shopping Carts Everywhere

Look at those damn shopping carts, Joe thought. Two of them were parked on his front lawn. Two more were parked behind his car in the driveway. His neighborhood had gone to hell. He lived half a mile from Foodco, a supermarket chain. Nobody should take a shopping cart half a mile from the supermarket. And no one with any respect for others should leave a shopping cart in a stranger's yard.
Shoppers should push the cart out to their car, and then leave it there. If they don't own a car, they should buy their own personal cart to transport their groceries home.
He called Foodco to tell them that four carts were on his property. They said they would be over as soon as they could. That meant about a week. Throughout his neighborhood, carts were scattered in various places, including the streets themselves. As if kids, pets, and potholes weren't enough, drivers now had to dodge shopping carts. Joe wondered how there could be any left in the supermarket. Foodco paid over $100 for each cart, so he thought they'd guard them better, Instead, they did nothing to secure the carts. They simply paid someone to drive around the neighborhood once or twice a week to pick up stranded carts.
Joe opened the yellow pages of his phone book. He was going to hire a contractor to build a fence around his lawn and a locking gate for his driveway. Enough was enough.

Vocabulary Learning:

Shopping cart: a kind of trolley; basket used to carry goods by customer

supermarket chain: a system of many supermarkets owned by the same company

neighborhood: surrounding area where you live

Young Boy Defends Sister

nine-year-old boy defended his sister from her angry ex-boyfriend yesterday. Woody Harrelson, 24, who had a house key, had hidden in the closet of the Shatner family’s home waiting for his ex-girlfriend Ethel, 23, to return. He attacked Ethel with a knife seconds after she arrived home. She was carrying their 11-month-old baby in her arms. Woody stabbed away, not caring if he injured his baby or not. Ethel, bleeding and screaming, ran into her bedroom and put the baby into the crib. Woody followed her into the bedroom.
Curt ran into the bedroom and jumped onto Woody’s back. From behind, he managed to jam his fingers into Woody’s eyes. Woody yelled and dropped the knife. As Woody stumbled around rubbing his eyes, Curt grabbed the knife and plunged it twice into Woody’s lower back. Woody ran out of the house. Curt held onto the knife in case Woody came back. Ethel called 911. The paramedics treated Ethel’s wounds and transported her to the hospital, where she is in stable condition. The baby, protected by its heavy clothing and a blanket, was unharmed. Woody has not been caught yet.
All hospitals in the area were alerted to watch for Woody, because Curt said that he “got him good.” In fact, said one doctor, Woody should get to a hospital as soon as possible. He might bleed to death if Curt actually punctured one of Woody’s kidneys. The paramedics and police commended little Curt for his bravery. He said that it was his responsibility to protect his sister, because “when Daddy’s not home, I’m the man of the family.”